Silver linings

Sometimes it can be hard to see the positives of this thing, but there are definitely some. I mean, just the fact that I have so much love for you could be considered a positive, right? A net improvement in the world, even if it's unrequited, or requited but impossible. Because love is something the world could certainly use more of. I'm happy to contribute.

But, just in myself. I've changed, just in the last year and half or so that I've been… suffering. I'm in significantly better shape, physically. I've spent more time figuring out what I want in my life (lol, you, obviously… but other things, too). I've become more social, though that could also be because my kids have reached an age where they aren't draining me of every last drop of social energy that I have - a limited resource, to be sure. Or because the absurd conditions brought on by the pandemic made me remember that I do, in fact, like people, quite a bit. But also because putting myself out there is probably the only possible way I'm going to ever get to have any more of you in my life. So, I've started to. A little.

There are other things, too. Creative pursuits. I've been interested, dabbled a bit here and there, with my creative side. But only a little. Practical matters always took the lead, always took priority. But, since you… that has changed. Writing here, for example. I've written before, a tiny bit. I used to have an absolutely yawn-worthy blog, mostly about the way I make a living. Dullsville, but a bit of an outlet. I suppose I just needed a better topic to write about. Now I have the best topic, and so writing is not just something I think I might enjoy, but a passion. I like it. I love it. I'm not awful at it. I could probably spend this energy writing about other things, things that are a little less… impossible. But for now, this works for me. And I'll gladly take it as a positive in my life.

Then there's music. I've wanted to be a musician for my entire life, but never actually tried. I took piano for a year in high school, got pretty ok at it. But then never touched a keyboard again for the longest time. I bought a bass guitar while I was in college. That guitar ended up spending the vast majority of its existence in the back of a closet. I wanted to learn to play it, but could never take the time.

That's all changed now. I mean, the pandemic gets some credit, too, but only a little. I was already home all the time, even before lockdowns. It wasn't a matter of time, not really, even if that's the excuse I would have given you had you asked two years ago. Like the writing, I just needed a muse. Now I have one. The best one. I'm right at the one year anniversary of starting formal lessons. I still have so much to learn, but it's been fun and challenging, Exercising these new muscles has led to a lot of growth. Kind of makes me a little sad I didn't start earlier, though. I'm not great at it (yet! gotta stay positive!) but I do seem to have a bit of a knack for it. Can't go around regretting things, but I also can't help but wonder where I would be with it if I had started those lessons when I first bought that bass 20 years ago? Oh well.

I also recently decided that this music thing may actually have legs, and while probably the best thing for me at this point is to keep focused, since I'm still really just beginning, I decided to branch out a bit, got myself a guitar. And I'm working with my instructor on both the lead and bass parts of a song, with the goal to nail the whole song on both instruments instead of doing my usual thing of just getting ok at the main riff and then moving on. I mean, that was good for learning new techniques. It'll be good moving forward, too. But I really. I just wanted to really have one song under my belt, the whole thing. Maybe I'll get to share it with you one day. It'll be an instrumental, sorry, singing is almost certainly not in my future! You should probably thank me, lol.

So… these new creative pursuits? Undeniably good things. Positive change in myself. And it's at least partially thanks to you.

Thank you.